I sent this thread to my girlfriend to get her response. Boy, did I get one! Here it is, ladies and gents:
Whatever happened to discussion, compromise and considering alternatives suitable to both? Why is it necessary to come back with one of the suggested smart alec male remarks? As a woman in a relationship with a man who enjoys his cars and motorcycles almost as much as he enjoys breathing, I understand that there will be multiple vehicles in his garage and they may change several times a year. Doesn't bother me a bit. I like it. But, even if I didn't enjoy the cars, the modifications he makes to them and the trips we take to different car shows, I would never tell him that he CAN'T buy a car any more than he would tell me that I CAN'T. Telling each other that you CAN"T do, buy, whatever, isn't in our vocabulary. We may not always agree, but we don't make ultimatums. When it comes to buying a car, in my case, I would defer to his judgment and trust that he would be honest with me if I wanted to buy a car that he didn't think was a good idea. Why? Because he knows more about cars than I do, he knows my driving habits, he knows me, and he would take the time to explain his position without using ultimatums, smart remarks or making me feel like a stupid woman. There are areas of our relationship where he asks me for my opinion because he feels that I am more knowledgeable -- it's give and take. Neither of us rules or controls the other and we wouldn't try to unless we want to find ourselves separate and alone some day.
I find it really amazing how many men blame their wives for their unhappiness, saying that she wears the pants in the family. If you ask the wives, they have no idea that they are basically tromping all over their husbands because the men don't talk to them. He brings up a subject, she says no, he backs down, mopes around and tells the guys that "my wife won't let me." The buddies sympathize. The wife goes about her business and often has no idea that she is now "wearing the pants". If he continually lets her get away with it, she'll continue doing it. Grow up, get a backbone, stand up for yourself, and really talk to her -- not the demeaning remarks or the accusatory garbage, either -- be willing to discuss, consider alternatives and compromise. Do it nicely and you'll be surprised how far you'll get.
I understand that you don't particularly want to give your wife a new vehicle since she is learning to drive and may have a few oops moments along the way. I think it's great that she's learning to drive and you should be very proud and supportive of her. However, if she's a young woman, I don't blame her for not wanting to drive an Old Fart car. I'm 51 and I wouldn't want to drive it, especially as my first ever car, because to me it's like driving my grandfather's vehicle and he's been dead 25 years. Maybe you see that car differently than she does -- but, frankly, is it really worth one or both of you being unhappy about? Why can't you both have what you want? Can't you sell the Grand Marquis and buy her something else used, smaller, and a little less granny-like with the understanding that when she's more comfortable on the road she'll be able to have a newer vehicle that she wants? Does she have a job and contribute to the income in the household? If so, couldn't you set aside a certain amount of her check each month toward getting that vehicle for her in a year or two? Wouldn't that put you in a position to get your MM? And, with her happy, more independent, and not relying on you to take her everywhere, look how much time you'll have to do things for yourself -- like shine up that MM!
